Main Entry: sot·to vo·ce

Pronunciation: "sä-tO-'vO-chE
Function: adverb or adjective
Etymology: Italian sottovoce, literally, under the voice
1 : under the breath : in an undertone; also : in a private manner
2 : very softly -- used as a direction in music

Wednesday, August 11, 2004

the last days of summer

My brother, who was, for very many years my best friend is now gone. One late January day when everything just got too much, he took a gun and locked himself in the bathroom with a few photographs, and after who knows how long, put the gun in his mouth and pulled the trigger, killing himself instantly.. He had with him a picture of our sister and brothers, and one photograph of he and I with our dog, Turkey, when all of us were young. A photo of a time when summer days stretched out before us and the light didn't fade until almost bedtime, and in those endless summer days, we found happiness. We were young and full of energy and hope and, perhaps because our family situation left much to be desired for reasons too complicated and truthfully, banal and ordinary to list here, we felt that anything was possible. Ironically, since our home life was so unpredictable, so chaotic, we had a certain freedom. As they say, 'When you've got nothing, you got nothing to lose." ( below)